PROTECTING YOUR KIDS FROM VIOLENCE

Violence is defined as a destructive action or force, either intentional or unintentional, against the self, other people, or property. It is also described as abusive power used to dominate or control. As a society, we are increasingly tolerant of a tremendous amount of violence that is constantly bombarding us from the early morning cartoons through the late evening news and beyond. TV shows often portray violence as “the way” of dealing with a problem. The national news often plays up violence as they discuss school shootings, wars, terrorism, etc. Many books and a great deal of pop music glorify violence. The availability of weapons and the limited sentences handed out to criminals through our judicial system make violence almost “the norm” in our country.
Violence is usually expressed in 3 ways: Verbal – through teasing, name calling, slurs, and threats; Mental or Emotional – through non-verbal expression of feelings such as not speaking, excluding others, withholding recognition, or affection for revenge; and Physical – through striking or hitting to inflict bodily harm by the use of physical force, which may include the use of a weapon. There are also 3 kinds of violence that may occur including interpersonal, within groups, and between groups. Interpersonal violence involves two or more people who may be strangers or who may know one another. Sixty percent of all violent acts occur between people who are acquainted. Within groups violence occurs within a group such as a family or other close knit groups. Between groups violence occurs between rival gangs or other groups such as schools or even countries.
Most people think of teen violence as involving gangs. Behavioral warning signs of gang involvement include: hanging out with known gang members or in gang areas, staying out late, showing a lack of interest in school (truancy or dropping out), personality changes, changes in friends, significant decrease or increase in personal finances, fights, or flashing gang signs. Appearance clues to gang involvement include: hairstyle or clothing changes, lacing shoes in a “code” style, shaved heads or wearing headgear in a certain way, or adopting gang jewelry, gangster style fashions and logo emblazoned clothes. Some gangs may use small backpacks to hide spray paint, tags on clothes or other personal items
such as notebooks, tattoos favoring designs depicting violence, death, or a macho orientation.

It’s important for parents to think about safety measures for those homes that have guns. Parents must exercise complete control over any guns at home. All guns should be secured and inaccessible to children. Guns should be stored unloaded. Ammunition should be stored and locked in a separate location. Hunters should be given safety education and training. Remember that kids can also get guns from catalogs, internet/auction sites, illegal “street” sales, and theft. Children should be taught that guns do not solve problems. Guns are dangerous and are NEVER appropriate to play with. There is an enormous difference between the real life use of guns and the fantasy world of violence portrayed in the movies, computer games, or television shows.
Parents can combat violence by making sure your children are supervised. Involving your child in positive after school activities is also a good idea. Never leave young children at home alone, even for a short time. Be sure your child attends and stays at school. Set and keep curfews. Supervise homework and school projects. Call before your child visits another house. Ask if weapons are stored in the home and if they are secured away from the ammunition. Meet your youngster’s friend and if possible, their parents. Encourage your child to avoid places that are risky and to use a buddy system to enjoy “strength in numbers”. Be alert to signs of trouble.
Most parents can probably think of many situations where you can model resistance skills. For instance, refusing to buy from door-to-door sales people; firmly disengaging from telemarketers; passing on dessert at a restaurant; or returning a defective product to a store. Encourage your children to develop this skill early so that they will have more confidence and will command respect among their peers. Make sure to teach children to speak in a clear and confident manner, and maintain good eye contact. Discuss assertiveness and explain the difference between aggressive and assertive behavior: a demanding aggressive response will just provoke fights, while an assertive response is calm and confident. Role-play with your child. Listen and be prepared to coach them on their responses. Stress that everyone has rights: the right to be yourself, to say what you think, and to say no. Understand that assertiveness is not a cure-all for the stresses of growing up, it is just another tool. Teach your child that it is OK to run and get help, if they ever feel in danger and that disagreements are normal. It is the way that disagreements are resolved that is key. Encourage your child to use a buddy system since there is safety in numbers. In your gut, if you feel your child is scared, trust your instincts and teach them to trust their own instincts as well.
You probably remember the unspoken law of adolescence—the keep silent and protect your friends. It still exists, but now the stakes are higher. In most school shootings someone knew of the planning and behaviors that were going on, yet no one spoke up or asked for help.
The information in this article is from the D.A.R.E. Parent Education Program.
Comment at the link below.